Hi Mom

One more thought in the night before the light begins to fade
You fucking left me
Sitting on the kitchen chair
I can still see that stare on your face
Looking off into fucking space
Couldn't believe that you left it to a little kid to revive you
You stopped loving me to protect yourself
What kind of shit is that bitch?
You left a child to raise himself
And suddenly you call me saying you missed me
I missed you my whole life
I screamed for you and you never came
You screamed at dad and ran out the house
We asked him
DADDY DADDY WHEN IS MOMMY COMING BACK?
Just a push back and told get upstairs I don't care
Never knew if you would come home
Fighting back fears that you were fucking other guys
You know what it's like to be 5 and carry the weight of your mothers affair?
I hope it's true
I hope that one day it comes out
Just another reason for me to hate you more
This writing flows like blood like when I used to hide in the closet
Beating my head in the corner breaking my skull on plaster walls
Hoping for my brains to fall out so I could end it all
This is taking me back to when I used to burn with rage
The fire has rekindled and I'm ready to unload
Now a grown man sitting in another mans house
Looking at the walls wondering
What does it mean, how do I follow these signs?
You tell me you love me but where was that before?
Where was it when I needed it?
Where was it for that little boy that needed his mom to make his boo boo's better?
You left me to die bitch so why the fuck did you have me?
I was not born to be a slave but it seems like you only wanted me for my muscle
Do this do that and read my fucking mind
How was I to know that being your child included being telepathic?
I could never read your mind even worse figure out my own
The look on your face you've passed on the me
No emotions, no cares, shutting the world out to keep myself safe
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now do it momma?
How I wish that the ghost of my anxieties would have taken flight
Come down from the ceiling to kill me
Spread me out naked on the floor
Drowned me in motor oil all for your enjoyment
Maybe then you would have gotten what you wanted out of me
The son of yours to be so far away that YOU couldn't be hurt by him
You never stood up for me and never gave a crap
So what the fuck am I supposed to say when you expect an I love you back?
It makes me sad and I say it with a tear but burn in hell mom
I don't love you anymore because you aren't good for me