A Week's Worth of Vile Delusions

Buzzin' like I've been smokin' joints
Don't know what to do except let this out
How can I sleep on an empty stomach
Is like asking how does someone wake up with no alarm clock
My mind is racing like when Whitney couldn't say no to crack
Cry my eyes out on the phone and for what
For you to disrespect me and the girl I love
Fuck that, how could you say that
How easily I forgot that I'm just an after thought
That I'm just the kid that you left on the old block
Everything you did I told you was retarded
Yet you wouldn't listen to wisdom
The first sign that you were a fool to being with
Daddy wasn't there and mommy didn't like it
Told me you wanted to up and leave
To tell that buster to fuck off and burn in hell
But you wouldn't and you couldn't you were never strong enough for something like that
See how many extra bars that line went?
I could have told him I could have blew the spit over the ocean through the airwaves of hate
Finally I get some truth out of you
And again I put that truth in your head
Like those pills you used to take
Spinning were the walls back in those days
Yet all I ever dream for is to go back to those days
To make those days right and rearrange the days I'm in today
But the day I care for the most is this day
And even on my best day you still have a way of making it a bad day
How many times am I gonna go back to those days
Did you think that I'm just gonna bow down and forget things
You will never admit it to me
But deep down you fuckers knew that I was right
Out of the mouth of babes came your deliverance but no one cared to see
You just up and left me to the winter
Shivering to death in a garage with no insulation
Rodents were my roommates and there was no money coming my way
I remember that first Christmas waking up to nothing
But what was wrong with that
Since I could remember I unwrapped gifts with nothing inside
No thought no care and no knowing the son you gave up
Sorry is too late but I can't stand to see you cry so I'll just say that it's ok
But it ain't nothing about this is or was or ever could be made right for me
Now when they look and see it all finally becomes clear
That I was second to everything and the reason they hate is me
If you're connected to me then this is the way it has to be
You'll have to take a back seat
Just like me when my brother hit me with the buckle and you just fucking chuckled
Took pictures of me laying on the floor black eyes and all
Telling me to stop faking it
Am I faking it now mom now that you see me holding this gun
Last letter I wrote to you I told you I was going to blow my brains out
Saw the tears then and still didn't believe you
I'm so sick and no one gives a fuck
Tired of all your bullshit and it still doesn't sink in
You fucked my life up and still can't take the blame
Apologize for what fucker you just killed your own son
There is no coming back from shit like this
I don't even know what I really want to say
I'm just blasting lines down as fast as my fingers will carry me
You will never understand the issues but that's ok
I'll just grip tighter on this knife to slash your necks with
No title can cover the topics but this piece will smoke from powder burns
I'm freezing here alone in my own hell and I can't get away from you
Calling my name in my dreams
You just don't turn it off
Thought crusader is diabolical down to his last molecule
And you made me that way how do you fucking like it?
I thought I was going to tell you how sorry I was for being such a bad son
Letting you know I've seen everything good you've done for me to keep me living
But fuck that shit the monsters call me back to the old days
Where I hated everyone and everything
First day out of the sick bed and I'm back to killing memories
Reaching deep inside my mind and carving out all the good
No light behind these eyes all I want is to be ecumenical
To you that I am the boss of every demon that lives inside me
And I've sent them on a mission to destroy everything
Maniacal until the day I die and don't plan on going any time soon
If it's the last thing I do I will fucking be the death of you
So how dare you say those things if you don't believe them
The time for games is over
See you this weekend I can't wait to kill you