SCREAMING AS LOUD AS I CAN
No words come out
I'm voicless
I've become my surroundings
Unheard the mouth opens letting the fire out
Dragons imitate but they could never produce this kind of filth
They say sign the dotted line and don't think twice
You have to be good now buddy it's for your own benefit
We know best and you have to hold it in
Self control is the key to winning this fight
But to that I say
FUCK YOU GO KILL YOURSELF
I've got this pent up energy
To kill, to spill the blood of all those who hurt me
You took my youth but gave me a weapon in return
The experience it takes to end every fucking one of you
But there is no relief
Standing over the dead there is no one left to blame
No one left to destroy with my fists
I'll bite the heads off of every single one of you
Spit down your severed necks and wear your skin as a mask
Hiding all the pain and the hurt
I'm betrayed by my own eyes
Rub dirt in them so they'll turn black and you'll never figure out another thought
Analyze this for a start
There is nothing more to do then just waste away
I see who to blame and yet they can't be touched
Yet I can't help feeling like this is all my fault
BUT THE RAGE WON'T LET ME FORGIVE MYSELF
I have to live off of the hate that has been built up
There is no fuel like it NO there is NOTHING like it
Yet the knives don't cut deep enough
The bombs don't blow away those soul fragments
Bullets to the head don't erase those kind of memories
I was fucked and left for dead and I still can't forget
It molded a monster, a man-eater
I've survived on the flesh of my enemies but now there aren't any left
How long can I go on by feeding on myself?
I came out of a shadow and entered into the world of shadows
There is no light there is no hope there is nothing to hide the scars
I've laid before the world naked and bare and they looked on in lust
Never in help, NEVER IN HEALING!
All I ever wanted was to be right
Now those hopes have gone out the window
Rope tied around the neck
The taught pull severs the vital parts from the mechanical
Second chances have run their course
Time to give up and float away
Fuck you if you think I'm gonna kill myself
I'd rather piss on an electrical line if I thought that would help
NO! YOU WON'T TAKE ME, YOU WON'T WIN!
I'll let the devil come get me before I ever give in
Hate is such a power to live for, so much so I've never known peace
I've never known the love of a mother, at least one that birthed me
How do you live knowing things of that nature,
Holding something of such magnitude that crushed your ever waking thoughts?
You've never known the dark until the dark is in your mind
Years and years of pleading
No one came to rescue me from the haunts of the night
So I became one to fucking save myself
Finally you knocked on the door without an answer on the other side
You barged in to find a burning body
Once upon a time your son laid there
Now just his demons feasting on his corpse remain
Scary to think that you had a hand in this
So you console yourself by denying and denying until you believe the lies
Reach deep down and recall what it was first like
When you learned that your little boy grew up and lives life with his middle finger permanently up?
Remember the note and remember the day
Signed on the bottom "With love from the land of the dead"
That's the day you lost me to the dark for good
And for the rest of your life you will feel my wrath
Your little baby has become a whore to the god-forsaken things
Burning with anger the creed I now live by is this
One day and one day soon
I'LL HAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Bad Blood
What is this inside me?
Questions, questions, questions!
I don't know what it means to be alive
Ask the sky to rain and the sun shines
Every word spoken feels blasphemes
Dirty and unclean I've come back to my own vomit
Just a dog is what the undertone implies
Best friend to no man
My worth is not seen in the eyes of others
I make the rules
Don't get it twisted
I make the decisions
I've forgotten how to write and what it means to fly
The characters have died
Buried under mounds for some time now
All it means is that I will never be fit for a king
Use me, use me, but there is nothing worth doing
Make me good at one thing and I'll be god in my own mind
And maybe that is exactly why,
Questions, questions, questions!
I don't know what it means to be alive
Ask the sky to rain and the sun shines
Every word spoken feels blasphemes
Dirty and unclean I've come back to my own vomit
Just a dog is what the undertone implies
Best friend to no man
My worth is not seen in the eyes of others
I make the rules
Don't get it twisted
I make the decisions
I've forgotten how to write and what it means to fly
The characters have died
Buried under mounds for some time now
All it means is that I will never be fit for a king
Use me, use me, but there is nothing worth doing
Make me good at one thing and I'll be god in my own mind
And maybe that is exactly why,
Perhaps this is why the words look better on the other side
I don't know a thing and yet my mind is full
Ask away and out comes the outcome
Situated in the dark I'm still seated in a place I don't like
Like the boiling blood turned cold
The change brought brings on flies in temperature loss
Swarming to the stinking festering mess
A disease takes root at the base of my mind
I might pull through this night and back into the day
By God the car has stopped and the image out the window fades
Pitch black and I'm back to the same old crap
I try to take it in and find the sign
Once I wanted to be something but I don't remember when
No one told me anything so now I'll tell myself
I can do it oh yes I can
But all that's left are dreams that I've left behind
Give it a second and try but there is no try only do
Yet the basket is so full of nothing I can't begin to pick it up
How do you see in the silence a life that is not collapsed under boredom?
There is no reason to be concerned
The strife isn't with you it is with myself
Fighting a battle while you are missing your eyes
That's what it's like when you live life hating yourself
So I'll keep seeking and I'll keep asking
But the winding road of mortal man has just become flat
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Dealing With The Demon Of The Blank
Black blah blee blob wind rushing past
Inner ears inside my brain filling up with waste
In the prime of existence I have nothing left
Nothing left to go on and nothing left to think
Nothing left to be thankful for and nothing left to break
Locked in a room the lights turn from on to off
Dark to light from morning till night
All damn day I am crushed under the oppressiveness of this
Nothingness that seeks to rot what was an impressive collection
Books and files that contained all life's thoughts
Fulfillment and extacy lost in the fire
And when that flame had burned itself out
There was nothing left
No ash no smoke no chard remains
Just blank like a washed out empty room
How I am even writing this I don't even know
Being random on paper is coming out well thought out
Cryptic yet seen the Coptic in me wants everything changed
The truth is less fantastic then my own reality
Chug roar huff puff sit and bark howling at the moon
Devastated in my own head and I don't know why
I want the memories to go but I can't remember this
The spark that sent my world up in smoke
Who pushed the button that set me to self destruct?
I know everything and yet nothing because all that matters is this
Why I can't be random in speech yet so imaginative in thought
Perfection in the way, ok well make it dead
How can I not be what I hate so blank so blank so blank so blank!
Inner ears inside my brain filling up with waste
In the prime of existence I have nothing left
Nothing left to go on and nothing left to think
Nothing left to be thankful for and nothing left to break
Locked in a room the lights turn from on to off
Dark to light from morning till night
All damn day I am crushed under the oppressiveness of this
Nothingness that seeks to rot what was an impressive collection
Books and files that contained all life's thoughts
Fulfillment and extacy lost in the fire
And when that flame had burned itself out
There was nothing left
No ash no smoke no chard remains
Just blank like a washed out empty room
How I am even writing this I don't even know
Being random on paper is coming out well thought out
Cryptic yet seen the Coptic in me wants everything changed
The truth is less fantastic then my own reality
Chug roar huff puff sit and bark howling at the moon
Devastated in my own head and I don't know why
I want the memories to go but I can't remember this
The spark that sent my world up in smoke
Who pushed the button that set me to self destruct?
I know everything and yet nothing because all that matters is this
Why I can't be random in speech yet so imaginative in thought
Perfection in the way, ok well make it dead
How can I not be what I hate so blank so blank so blank so blank!
A Stab In The Back?
Heavy footsteps on the pavement
The rhythm increases in tempo
Faster and faster they pound
Coming up behind you turn to see
Nothing, just thoughts left in a mess
So who are you to tell me to think twice?
It's my business if I think just once
You can't stand there and say don't talk shit
When I see the pain inflected by who I shoot my arrows at
Young and naive you don't know a thing
Coming at me like a stranger in the dark
Knife in hand to cut me off
What can you give besides a pain in the back?
Never phased just thrilled at the rush of change
Go ahead and swing because what you hit will not be flesh
But armored skin that breaks the blade
Lucky for you that I see you as useless
Otherwise I might of had to choke a bitch
The rhythm increases in tempo
Faster and faster they pound
Coming up behind you turn to see
Nothing, just thoughts left in a mess
So who are you to tell me to think twice?
It's my business if I think just once
You can't stand there and say don't talk shit
When I see the pain inflected by who I shoot my arrows at
Young and naive you don't know a thing
Coming at me like a stranger in the dark
Knife in hand to cut me off
What can you give besides a pain in the back?
Never phased just thrilled at the rush of change
Go ahead and swing because what you hit will not be flesh
But armored skin that breaks the blade
Lucky for you that I see you as useless
Otherwise I might of had to choke a bitch
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Only Pieces (NEW CHARACTER)
I see a man in my mind
A man who lives in the realm where dreams go to die
Where you go to sleep and you don't wake up
That land filled with smoke and buildings brought to ash
Walking through pain every moment because the very air is burning flames
His skin is torn like he was beat with barbed wire
Flesh falls on the ground and is smashed with dragging feet
Crying blood that runs black against a face covered in contrition
Eyes moist like the ocean lay behind his mind
Seeing the past at all times
His hands are televisions that only replay the mishaps
Looking down into them he can't but remember
That it was by these hands he helped slay the innocent
His heart beats on his sleeve and it is worn there for all to see
That guilt is a killer because it only pumps in sad increments
Clothed in shame his robe is black from years of funeral pyres
Feet calloused from all the teeth he's kicked in
What was this man before turning to such a dreadful sight?
This man is the other half of the monster
The Bruce Banner to his Hulk
The hunter to the werewolf
The monster to his Frankenstein
No name just incomplete
It is only when the facts are put in place does his skin grow back
Ageless through time he is already dead
But to bring him back to life takes the forgiveness of others
Risen out of the rubble the boy saw a hand coming from the debris
Pulling him up he knew that this was his protector from all those year before
A perfect child he could never forget a loving face
Especially for the fact that he created this man and breathed life into him
So this is what the beast became after the battles ended and I went to sleep
A shell of a man falling apart like melting snow on the moutain
Visions of the frame that is driven through who's fingers now type this appear
Shell within a shell how is that for irony?
Put my pieces together, gather them back from those I left them in
Every time you killed a part of me was left
And every time you struck that blow I died a little inside
For if you don't this is what will happen
The beast will live forever and the monster will drive the shell in mans reality
Life as we know it will be lost so gather me back together
This is how we bridge the gap and make everything right
This is how you live with yourself by making all things right
Perfection is coming and this is how it's so
Take back all the beatings you gave and I'll be healed all in order that
I will disappear for all time and you'll finally love youself
Now the pull and tug begins on the boy
Because in this creature are two beings who both want different things
The broken wants to die but the beast wants to live eternally
Sort this one out it will take more then a day
But I'm glad this character appeared in order that we can see some potential outcomes
A man who lives in the realm where dreams go to die
Where you go to sleep and you don't wake up
That land filled with smoke and buildings brought to ash
Walking through pain every moment because the very air is burning flames
His skin is torn like he was beat with barbed wire
Flesh falls on the ground and is smashed with dragging feet
Crying blood that runs black against a face covered in contrition
Eyes moist like the ocean lay behind his mind
Seeing the past at all times
His hands are televisions that only replay the mishaps
Looking down into them he can't but remember
That it was by these hands he helped slay the innocent
His heart beats on his sleeve and it is worn there for all to see
That guilt is a killer because it only pumps in sad increments
Clothed in shame his robe is black from years of funeral pyres
Feet calloused from all the teeth he's kicked in
What was this man before turning to such a dreadful sight?
This man is the other half of the monster
The Bruce Banner to his Hulk
The hunter to the werewolf
The monster to his Frankenstein
No name just incomplete
It is only when the facts are put in place does his skin grow back
Ageless through time he is already dead
But to bring him back to life takes the forgiveness of others
Risen out of the rubble the boy saw a hand coming from the debris
Pulling him up he knew that this was his protector from all those year before
A perfect child he could never forget a loving face
Especially for the fact that he created this man and breathed life into him
So this is what the beast became after the battles ended and I went to sleep
A shell of a man falling apart like melting snow on the moutain
Visions of the frame that is driven through who's fingers now type this appear
Shell within a shell how is that for irony?
Put my pieces together, gather them back from those I left them in
Every time you killed a part of me was left
And every time you struck that blow I died a little inside
For if you don't this is what will happen
The beast will live forever and the monster will drive the shell in mans reality
Life as we know it will be lost so gather me back together
This is how we bridge the gap and make everything right
This is how you live with yourself by making all things right
Perfection is coming and this is how it's so
Take back all the beatings you gave and I'll be healed all in order that
I will disappear for all time and you'll finally love youself
Now the pull and tug begins on the boy
Because in this creature are two beings who both want different things
The broken wants to die but the beast wants to live eternally
Sort this one out it will take more then a day
But I'm glad this character appeared in order that we can see some potential outcomes
Monday, November 19, 2012
Reconciling
Laying awake in bed all night
All I can think about is something I already wrote about
For some reason I feel like going back in time
Not to change the outcome of things
But to remember the things that I did to make other people stumble
Now I want to live like a repented thief on his cross
Asking for forgiveness but not for himself
Only for the fact that you will know that I realize my missteps
Yes it is true that I saw all the tears they cried in the night
All on account of me and the things that came after
That I caused so much pain that unhealthy heads led to baby making
How many girls was I with in the past,
Who after I left suddenly they got pregnant?
At first I was thankful that none of them looked like me
But now I'm looking at the pictures and seeing that they look like you
With no one there to help you
The older I get the more compassionate I get
And I hate it because there is no power in remorse
Holding onto hate and pointing the blame makes the flame white hot
Burning up to the ceiling the house that I lived in burned down
But how do you reconcile with people you can't see?
People that you have no idea how to contact or even what to say
It's hard living like this
Maybe now I know why that monster lives in the closet
To feed on all the people like skeletons Halloween decorations
Bones hanging by ropes that were wrapped around necks
Placed by hands that were connected to the necks that were about to snap
Not only did I kill I did it without any blood on my fingers
Killed them with words and it scares me to see how my mind really is
Don't piss me off because I'll talk you into the grave
And if that doesn't work I'll walk away and tear your soul out as I leave
Sometimes I remember the words spoken like daggers
Stabbing you in the heart and when I see the blood I have to drink it
Vampire man coming out in the sun but my skin ain't glowing
I only get darker and darker with every step I take toward your murder
So that was all it took to get you six feet deep
But I don't want that life I can't live that life
Murder is so messy even when committed surgically
I just pray that these ghost of my past don't wish death on me
Walking with open arms I receive a bullet to the belly
It looks like CPR but she will just be sucking the life out of me
The funny thing is is that I can't even remember all of their names
Invisible faces from my memories are coming back to haunt me
I don't know what has gotten into me
Like a new state that is growing into a character form
There is this part that wants to reconcile with my past
So when I look back in that album it doesn't bring me to anxiety fueled fear
In my dream though I see them drawing 9mm's on me
Color the picture with my favorite crayon
Red like the rage that fills my eyes
Suddenly the roles have been reversed but maybe that's not such a bad thing
Because now they carry the burden and it will be lifted off of me
These are the thoughts of a mad man who seeks sanctuary in his own soul
So for a moment the blankness has gone away
And now that the smoke has cleared all I see is weakness and it kills me
I always knew that it would come one day
But I never wanted to go out like this
Oh well, fuck it, bring it on past I could never see my own future anyway
All I can think about is something I already wrote about
For some reason I feel like going back in time
Not to change the outcome of things
But to remember the things that I did to make other people stumble
Now I want to live like a repented thief on his cross
Asking for forgiveness but not for himself
Only for the fact that you will know that I realize my missteps
Yes it is true that I saw all the tears they cried in the night
All on account of me and the things that came after
That I caused so much pain that unhealthy heads led to baby making
How many girls was I with in the past,
Who after I left suddenly they got pregnant?
At first I was thankful that none of them looked like me
But now I'm looking at the pictures and seeing that they look like you
With no one there to help you
The older I get the more compassionate I get
And I hate it because there is no power in remorse
Holding onto hate and pointing the blame makes the flame white hot
Burning up to the ceiling the house that I lived in burned down
But how do you reconcile with people you can't see?
People that you have no idea how to contact or even what to say
It's hard living like this
Maybe now I know why that monster lives in the closet
To feed on all the people like skeletons Halloween decorations
Bones hanging by ropes that were wrapped around necks
Placed by hands that were connected to the necks that were about to snap
Not only did I kill I did it without any blood on my fingers
Killed them with words and it scares me to see how my mind really is
Don't piss me off because I'll talk you into the grave
And if that doesn't work I'll walk away and tear your soul out as I leave
Sometimes I remember the words spoken like daggers
Stabbing you in the heart and when I see the blood I have to drink it
Vampire man coming out in the sun but my skin ain't glowing
I only get darker and darker with every step I take toward your murder
So that was all it took to get you six feet deep
But I don't want that life I can't live that life
Murder is so messy even when committed surgically
I just pray that these ghost of my past don't wish death on me
Walking with open arms I receive a bullet to the belly
It looks like CPR but she will just be sucking the life out of me
The funny thing is is that I can't even remember all of their names
Invisible faces from my memories are coming back to haunt me
I don't know what has gotten into me
Like a new state that is growing into a character form
There is this part that wants to reconcile with my past
So when I look back in that album it doesn't bring me to anxiety fueled fear
In my dream though I see them drawing 9mm's on me
Color the picture with my favorite crayon
Red like the rage that fills my eyes
Suddenly the roles have been reversed but maybe that's not such a bad thing
Because now they carry the burden and it will be lifted off of me
These are the thoughts of a mad man who seeks sanctuary in his own soul
So for a moment the blankness has gone away
And now that the smoke has cleared all I see is weakness and it kills me
I always knew that it would come one day
But I never wanted to go out like this
Oh well, fuck it, bring it on past I could never see my own future anyway
You Think You Know Someone
Turns out you don't really know anyone
There is always that deep dark secret
There will always be that hidden vice
That part of them the makes them a born sinner
I know that I have it
I've got a monster in my closet and only 2 ladies know about it
They are the only two who can help me hold it up
But getting back, you never can tell about somebody
How many undercover killers are really out there?
How many baby rapist or people who hate their moms?
How could you not respect your own flesh and blood?
Everything has to be about you with you at the center
Well I've got news for you bitch the universe has me and its apex
The center mass of density so heavy that everything orbits around it
My soul that's been drifting throughout the cosmos
I'm God in my own mind and you disrespected the one I love the most
So it's over now and now I'm going to tell you the future
Everything that you worked so hard for is going to be gone
You made my girl cry so for that you will be lashed
Smacking you with my forked tongue you will bleed all over your piano
No one knows this business better then I do
And no one knows that my real business is murder and business is booming
Holding onto steel bars is the hand of this monster
Set and ready to slam your head into the concrete
Moral of this story is that you never really know someone
Even your very own cousin, so fuck you bitch I'm gone
Good luck in the future but I'm here to tell you it only looks bleak
Without me you guys are nothing and I can't wait to sit back and laugh
See didn't I tell you that it was all gonna fall apart?
There is always that deep dark secret
There will always be that hidden vice
That part of them the makes them a born sinner
I know that I have it
I've got a monster in my closet and only 2 ladies know about it
They are the only two who can help me hold it up
But getting back, you never can tell about somebody
How many undercover killers are really out there?
How many baby rapist or people who hate their moms?
How could you not respect your own flesh and blood?
Everything has to be about you with you at the center
Well I've got news for you bitch the universe has me and its apex
The center mass of density so heavy that everything orbits around it
My soul that's been drifting throughout the cosmos
I'm God in my own mind and you disrespected the one I love the most
So it's over now and now I'm going to tell you the future
Everything that you worked so hard for is going to be gone
You made my girl cry so for that you will be lashed
Smacking you with my forked tongue you will bleed all over your piano
No one knows this business better then I do
And no one knows that my real business is murder and business is booming
Holding onto steel bars is the hand of this monster
Set and ready to slam your head into the concrete
Moral of this story is that you never really know someone
Even your very own cousin, so fuck you bitch I'm gone
Good luck in the future but I'm here to tell you it only looks bleak
Without me you guys are nothing and I can't wait to sit back and laugh
See didn't I tell you that it was all gonna fall apart?
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