It Happened Again

It happened again last night
I saw your face in the crowd and I was afraid for my life
Scared you'd come back for some kind of retribution
Of what sort I don't know but this is for sure
That it would be built on the lies you told yourself
To make me out to be worthless in your own mind
All in the attempt to let me go
So you could continue to sin behind my back when I had always known
The smile on your face was a fraud
And there was nothing you could do
Somehow I had always known it would end like this
Everything accomplished went out the door when the phone clicked dead
The line went silent and in that I came back to life
But that does not explain what I went through last night
You were prettier in her face then what really does exist
My memories of pain are more forgiving then the time we've been apart
I saw you in her body
Moving with her grace and something more
The assurance of a monster with a seductive face
To this I woke in a cold sweat
From a dream in which debauchery took place
How do I keep going back to this?
I fear closing my eyes for I might awake in the lost realm
Where you dwell in provocative mannerisms that steal my peace
Hate fills every moment yet I can't walk away
Having no power over myself,
I am overcome by the pull you have on my heart
Either by lust or hate
It is nothing that I wish to boast
For if I had my way I would be filled with neither only tact
To keep myself from evil and run to the one I love
Nightmares weigh on me as I wake
Realizing that even in that land it is still me
And it all comes full circle once again
In me the man I hate is the one that still loves you
But when the boy peers in through parted wedding drapes
He sees that it is not out of love that the beast is satisfied
It is out of the desire for total control
Owning you for a night to slash your throat
So this is why the dream comes night after night
Because I want it to,
In the dark part of my soul that I wish to deny
How will I escape this plight?
Will it only be in death where I find rest in sleep?
All that I have left
Is to forge weapons from the fires of hope
in the attempt to destroy myself
Now tell me what kind of a future is that?