Abyss

Falling faster down the rabbit hole
I thought I had come so far
Only to disappear in knowledge withheld for so long
Peeling back the layers only to reveal
The fact of the matter was we never even scratched the surface
Why didn't I know and why didn't I see
That the dependency of my healing was based on me
It was all me even from the beginning
Before I could speak it was me
The monster was formed in the womb
So now a new question hangs in the air
What am I, a beast or a man?
Cursed from the get go
Why did I not escape into the light on euthanasia?
The blackness I thought I left behind
Was always around me and I never knew to see
That the abyss was getting deeper
Right beneath my feet
Longing to go back and change all the outcomes
Destroying a childhood so that a chimera would not be birthed
It's too late and they say I will have to learn to cope
But I don't want to except it
I want to cut this cancer out of me
Oh how quickly one day changes everything
One step forward in wisdom
Is six steps back in progress
Talking won't fix me it will only shine more light
On a disease that has no antidote
Cast the spot on the creature of the night
The shame of my existence
And the torture of my conscious
I can't believe that for so long I was so ignorant
Sometimes the truth is a hard sword to swallow
Cutting out the locust that gnaw on my heart
And destroying my breath in the same thrust
Where has my hope gone?
I've come to the end only to see
That the real journey has yet to begin
I have no strength and no resolve
The time to give up seems like the next best thing
For now I sleep in the depths
A hole in the earth cut wide to squash life
So swing the hammer and nail it shut
I've climbed into a coffin and closed the lid tight
Sleep comes but it will be bittersweet
Though I shut my eyes I will never enter rest
Because I keep falling faster
Too quickly to wake up
I need a new hero now
To pry open my eyes and prove to me how
This was all just a bad dream