Truth-phobic

Let's be honest and open all the doors
To know once and for all
That the reason for my torture
Is that I'm afraid of the truth
Lord knows that the truth will set you free
But the truth of the matter is,
When the real me comes out
There will be nothing left
Destroying even the invisible in which we put our hopes
Only left with pit falls and yearnings for more
A lust that will never be satisfied,
Is the flower that grows from this root of wanting to hide
Plant the seed of self defeat and water with damage
Sprinkled over the years from faulty faucets
Words spoken with so much heat
The light of the sun wasn't needed to make this sprout
Proving once more that to be meaningless
Only brings about a meaning of nothingness
And no one wants to be nothing
Even empty cups get full at one point
But a thought creeps up that I had long forgot
Maybe disappearing wouldn't be as bad as I thought
Not in a way that brought harm
Just floating away out past the sky
On a breath blown from the mouth of God
A relief from the agony it would all be
To know I would never have to look at myself,
And be disappointed every moment the reflection looked back
What's the point in digging
It seems my grave has already been made
To live a lie seems like it would be a cover for my wound
But deep down I would know I wasn't right
My soul would drag on the ground as I walked
Oozing out of the hole cut in the middle of my chest
Gangrene from all the filth used to patch the mistake
Covered in festering boils
This little angel is a devil in mans clothes
Don't get too close to magnify the past
Or the infection will spread to you next
Then the only thing you'll have left
Is to bite your fingers off just for some relief
I'm sick of the truth and it looks to be the only cure
Denial only did the trick for so long
The root of the issue seems to be myself
So to keep the tree from growing back
Lets cut it out and burn it the stump
Take it by the branches and join it to the dead
Paying the boatman to sail it off to Hell
Oh how I hate facing the facts
That I tried to hide the truth
But it just keeps coming back
The time to give up or push past is within sight
And at this moment I don't know what I'll do next