A Different View Of Things

Never have I been so confused
Conflicted I confided in people that I had grown to hate
For years this was all about them
Nothing I did would ease me off
Going back time and again
To see me off that rock took time but I made the leap
And in the storm I found myself
Hand in hand with beauty
All I live for is to see her through
Stumbling back to things I don't understand
They offer advice and love and pour out their wealth
Once I was at their expense and now I am as their prince
What do I do with it you will sit and ask
But for the first time in so long I cannot think
I have no answer
Hearing voices that say it is all so different
Being in the midst of the battle
Makes you look at everything as if it was more harsh
Though my world is already so warped
How could it go and get so much worse?
I don't know how to be what I'm asked to be
Yet I do it without question
Looking for no payment
For once when the monsters called
Voices from the past the used to be used for death
I turned them down seeing the tears of my beloved
In a future that would be ruined
Even if it was a just kill, a righteous war, an act of mercy
Fuck! I can't think and there is no answer in the sky
Lost lost lost
A view from a world that I do not understand
Seeing through the eyes of someone with a softer perception
The spirit is willing but the flesh is unsure
Overtaking me that red demon that could silence them all
Now has to lay in a frozen state way back in a realm I can no longer access
Fate seems to have me upon a different path
But I feel like I'm eating myself alive
Wasting away, I disappear into oblivion
For what cost is what the wise will one day ask
The answer in the distance will be just as much of a question as they ask
No one no one was able to give account
Answers could not be conjured in the dark
Just tell me what do to for once make it easy
I've fallen to my knees and humbly plead 
Take this rage in my heart and use it for what is right
This is something beyond what can be fought
But in the end it will be just like the start
I feel a doom coming and there is no stopping it
Who knew that it would all come to this

Polish

You can never hide within your past
I know everything that makes you tick
And I will use it against you
To prophecy doom and break your soul
Stand still and look in my eyes
Do you see me backing up, no you fucking don't
Because I am the annihilator and I control whether you breathe or not
Polish the silver and dust off the lamps
No light will betray my shadow
I am the epitome of darkness and I want your death
Devour everything that you think will make you sweet
The taste could be the least of what I give a fuck about
You can't wash away your sins that fast
No amount of cleaning off dirty footprints will grant you from evading the hate
I saw you in the spirit
I saw you sacrifice yourself and sign your name in blood
You are mine now and in my kingdom there is no getting out
As a child you ran from man to man
Trying to find the love that you would never have
At home there was abuse
Beaten and bruised you fought back only to become an outcast
There was a hope for you
You could have turned that hatred to fuel to make a better place
But you didn't, you quit, and everyone fucking knows it
I saw you in the bathroom, just a young girl
Hovering over the tub with an old hanger in your hand
You made a mistake and a life was made but that would have ended yours
So you took the easy way out and let murder into your heart
And I was there for every moment of it
Eating it up, feasting off the blood that poured from your loins
The destroyer was there watching you from the mirror
As the little girl became a witch, altering the heart and path of God
I laughed and laughed as I saw the tears fall from fear and pain
You brought this all on yourself
You tried to run, you tried to hide, and you ran right into the arms of ignorant disease
Trapping you forever in a home that you could not clean enough because your filth was everywhere
There is no right that you can do to turn the scale in your favor
No amount of righteous work that will out due the child you pulled apart
And the hurt was so big that you could never look at yourself
You let healing slip by and you take it out on everyone else
But today I stand as the door that you must go through
And there is no getting through me
Not today and not ever
You infanticide will torture your mind forever and I will be the reminder
You could abort the child but never the searing pain
I know your ways and the witchcraft that you worship
Yet you forget that I am the antidote and nothing you do will work
All hell bows to me as king and if for a fucking moment you think that your thanks makes things alright
You are poorly mistaken, I have found my place in the world below
Let me reserve a seat for you to take
I'll shine it up real nice, up close to the shrine of evil you decorated yourself
There will be a day that I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next
And I will skull fuck you until your neck breaks and decapitation takes place
You are worthless and no price paid will save you
You're forever mine bitch and watching you suffer does nothing but appease me
And how I love to see you dying and with everyone watching I will eat off your corpse
Try to hide that fucker, go ahead and try

Nothing Comes Easy

There is a way that seems right to a man
And this is mine
I saw Satan fall like lightning, landing  on the living room floor
The darkest of all things before me
Susceptible to my blows I could end it all now
But for the love of God I am restrained
How can I let this monster live?
Forcing me to bend and contort to forms I do not recognize
No one tells me how to live anymore
No one can make me bow
No one can make me kneel
Terror stricken eyes used to stare back at me
And my enemies outnumbered the stars in the sky
Yet they all feared me
I tore through them all
Child after child I sacrificed them on the alter of my ego
Growing and building it exploded in a show of hubris
That was my downfall, that was my demise
But I got up and became something that could be loved
Now I will not have it taken all away
Crimson veins turn white as the old chill returns
It is more than just a simple reminisce
Walking back to the gravestone and digging up the grave
Unveil the corpse of that old man and let me put him on again
Is this what it will take to get past this new challenger? 
I will never be undone I will never leave
Even if it means that I will stain these hands with blood again
Throw me in jail and lose the key to forgotten thoughts
Let me rot and transform into nothing but a pile of frail skin
Drop me in the abyss I don't care as long as I win
This will not be the end of me as long as I can breath
But for fucks sake let me just get one good grip around your neck
Let me make the dark disappear just this once let me make it easy
They tell me don't even utter the thoughts
Yet they don't see what I have to go through
A trek through Hell, 5 years going on eternity
Those monsters aren't so far away
That man is just one button away
Flip the switch you fucking bitch I fucking dare you!

Shambles

Clamoring clematises, what has my world come to?
So much working the machine is oiled and spinning
Look ahead and see the future
Everything lies in shambles and the carnage reaches through the wormhole
Grabbing back at me after I've run so far away
Nothing ever good comes of this so why do I do this?
Stuck in limbo the lingo remains the same old filth
Generic and geriatric what is new has been old hat forever
Born of a new fire and a hot zeal
Set the seal upon the letter and rehash old wounds
Suddenly I can remember so many things that I blacked out
Only to wake in cold sweats remembering back to what I fought so hard that I should only hold as forgot
The saw is the law and I hear it grinding in the distance
Rails run off the road and back towards my eyes
This new era of corruption has tangible signs of the old
Must the world end like it has always been
Sick children lining the streets with laments to shut heavens
Mercy seats no longer hold the feet of enthroned powers
Divinity seems to stop and take a look back
Revealing that who were praying to all this time was a demon in priestly robes
Light the incenses of sacrilege and fall under the power of the black mass
This is not me and it never was
I was a fighter and now I spew help to the wretched
What has my life become that the darkness is clearing and I no longer have the conscious left to kill?
Soft is all, I've become a little soft
But to take in the widow and the orphan
Never before have I shown this type of philanthropy
Yet I feel it calling like the smoke from a distant inferno
Everything will burn up and I'll go back to nothing
Fears take hold and the chains return
How I had to fight to let these things go
Worried for the first time ever and trying so hard to not to be a fuck up
All the ancient internalized words haunt my thoughts
Maybe this is why I am remembering
Because the curse really isn't lifted and I'm still stuck
Waking up in hell again at least I gave it shot
Big decisions lay just beyond the horizon  
What does it take to overcome and this I'll never know
It was all worth trying let's see if someone can make sense of this rambling

Revolution

When you see the lost children with black circles under their eyes
They will look back and sing you lullabies
Praise will shine forth like the sun as they march on
You see mere infants but I see an army
Ready to rise up and put the old men to rest
A spiritual euthanasia if you will, the passing of the torch
Not by love but by force
We will steal the spotlight and turn what you knew to ash
You will die with your ways and every mention of your name
Whispered in the dark in the cloak of shadow
It will be as a nightmare told in the day to bring fear
This is our revolution
This is where we call fire down
No longer will the spirit of the serpent challenge our hand
We will take the banner and with lifted hands rejoice
The giant is dead and dogs have devoured its flesh
Now stand in awe as the ground shakes as we move
From glory to glory, victory over everything
Your upside down world will be turned up right
These children you spit on have become the end you feared
Speaking hatred sowed bitter seeds now blossoming
Hard shells ready to deny all and count the cost
Seeing that life is worth more than you made it
Your death is imminent and I smell the earth that has been dug to cover your corpse

Daredevil

Daredevil, the art in prime time to understand the dilemma
Babies crying and mothers dying and all in a day when she was older than my brother
Free exposure to pleasure but without responsibility
Never took the time for explanation in the form of simple gestures
Life lived through the mind of a man caged and now that he's out you want compassion?
Where does it stem from, the root of a man plucked from the ground only a sapling?
How do I know the difference between innuendo and the liar dressed incognito?
Paint the scene on the glass and let the light push past until retinas burn like incinerated garbage  
Systematic extinction through execution over time the truth become satire and we laugh
But I had to fight my way through the maze and mirage just to be able to set foot outside
And you laughed and pointed and told me it was unfair and that I had to believe but I want nothing of that
I am that man born blind and when asked whose sin caused the disease it was foretold that it was mine
Yet not from the past or even from the future
It was destined in eternity past that I would be brought down with the teeth and claws of the underworld
Only to be spit back up and embrace my calling as the assassin of God
Given two hands to fight with no one could have seen that the hottest fire came from my tongue
Muay thai style I used feet and elbows with falling knees to end the progression of lies that were spoken
I am not a violent man by any means but in times like these,
It's kill or be killed and judgement implies all and I mean everything
Step to me wrong or look at me wrong your face is in the pavement and I'll never be wrong
Canvas smeared like a preteen on her first cycle
Point blank the gun goes off and your life is over the line stops on the period dot
I had to be courageous just to take a look over the edge
Now I fly through night skies in dreams of realities I made up for myself
Seeing all things when I used to only see oblivion
My end and your end left to rot in the ground with worms and goblins
Take to the streets in the darkest corners of my mind and light it all on fire
Revolt and take back what is mine and claim it as ours and raise the victory banner high
Up and up we go and where we stop only the mind can know
The end of the universe the words still echo that say we are loved
But here we just rely on the spinning of this distorted orbit to feel our way through
Take the chance and redeem the plan and when it all looks good tear it down and do it again
Pleasure in the face that my perfection is keeping this city sane
Though will my bane become the fact that I can't get past the boundaries I set to keep my life in check?
I am who I am and that's all that I am but I must be who I see in the dark with closed eyes
A revolutionary on the streets with dark buildings shooting up all around
Terrorized by shooters all around in the hollows that are found from the missing pieces of childhood
It doesn't make sense but I see so clearly that there is no sense to be had
I run with a hooded cloak and bandana around my mouth through the night with Molotov gripped tight
Moral decay in exchange for the voices to be shut out, how can I survive these nights in anguish and heat?
Becoming the thing that I never thought I could see take shape
The art of murder for self preservation, becoming the Daredevil to leave the past behind
It is the end of it all and to that I sit with a smile, lean back and say goodnight

Dios del Sol

I hold to the hope that this dream comes forth
Behind my eyes lies a world that I wish all could see
Maybe then all those that decided that they could fuck with me would know
They picked the wrong man, the wrong time, and the unwisest of ploys
I am the death that comes on swift wings
To rape the life from you as you have entered the world of my visions
Wings spread wide to lock out the light as you sit sweltering under my wrath
I burn with a deep desire for revenge
That you will be lit at the stake of my vengeance alive
I hope to see you fucking die
But not before I crush the life out of you as your throat rest beneath my heel
In this place I make the rules
Down here I'm God
I will be the one who causes the sun to rise and set
And in this world there is no sun because I am the light-harbinger
The keys of death and Hyades are hung on my belt
You will burn under me and there is no escaping
Blackened buildings fill the skyline
My visions involve smoke and debris but no cries to be heard  
The land is quiet for all voices have been silenced
I stand atop the mountains and look down at my devastation
My rays reach the the ground and bounce to the clouds
But only to enhance the blood on the ground and the darkness in my heart
The heat is so extreme but the cold is deafening
Contrast formed in the depths of the crucible that was my inner turmoil
Sword and shield became as much a part of me as my own beating heart
And the blood pumped through iron veins turned black from the poison I injected
All so that the rage that you now have seen could be brought out in epic theatrics
Dig deep as you will only find relief six feet from the surface you once made your dwelling place
Smell the disease that you caused when you let forth the beast
The world has spawned a sickness and I am the cure
Born into the darkness which the most vile have only adopted but alas it has always been mine
Black hole sun burns the ground to nothing and to nothing it will all go
Dark days are ahead my friends
Come into the light of destiny and hold close the facts
I am the god of the sun and there is no turning back

Cold Heart Filled With Hate

Look into the eyes of the dead one
Sit across from the devil and never even know it
Horns not of the head but of the mouth
Yet the fangs and claws could never disappear so quick
From the blackness I came, and you think that goes away?
I grabbed all who stood against me and devoured
And you sit and wonder how I come off as cold
What would you rather have,
The heat of rage baring down on you like hell flipped upside down
Or the cold that can look you dead in the eyes and steal your soul?
Sever your tongue if you think that you can speak against me
Lie after lie now you lay down in a grave covered in lye
Burn for me and tell me that the freedom I've found has come so easy
Without pain or blood or regret or responsibility
I arose from ashes of a burning childhood to find my relief
I took hold of the horns of Satan and made them my own
I became the conqueror that bares witness to the fact that war is hell
And I am the god of war that descends on you with a thousand nations of the damned
Call up your best men at arms and let them look upon their future
Swords clashing in the heavenly realms tell the story that I have come for blood
My have the tides turned now that they run red
Break the seal and the cycle and release the dead to consume the living
Let me lead them as their general in disarray and demise
I have filled this heart with hate to make it a stone
In order that I will never go back to being that child
That had it ripped out and stepped on
Told I was nothing and spit on and made to believe
That my ship had sailed and I was left alone
And raised alone I took up the cauldron of war
Becoming a child of the dark and a student of its deeds
I believed that I was a monster so the monster is what I have become
You spoil the undeserving and the sons of kings are left to starve
Well I won't have that not as long as I have breath in these lungs
I will not have my soul returned to ruin after it took me years to climb out of that grave
Now I hold the keys of power and I bring the pain
So tell me again why people don't like me and fancy me cold and removed
Tell me again the excuse they use for looking once and assuming they know
Have they been at the gates of hell and brought back to life to have it all melt away?
How can they judge the one who has faced judgement and fought it back to win
To roll the stone away and come out of the grave in a power that came from above
How the fuck do they think they know me and tell me why it matters
I will shit on the graves of all mankind if only just to make me feel better
I live for me now and no one else will take it
I've had the life smashed out of me before and no one will ever get to take it again
I have filled this heart with cold hard death and its no wonder my face is harsh
Let me spew my filth into the ears of them who have them to hear
Breaking the hearts of generations to come with my story
Don't ever tell me what they think of me because they'll only turn up dead
And by my hand or by my curse it doesn't matter because I'll send them all straight to hell

Machine Gun Kelly

And hear I come blazing again on fire from the hot rage
Got a domain name now and it's my name to know
No one else can know and no one else will know
Look through the curtains as the wind blows in the window
See me standing over a body with bloody hands
Woke up the next morning with a headache
Couldn't remember what I did the day before
Except for the note in my pants that said
"Guess what you just killed somebody"
How could I have let the demons loose
Unsolved murder front page on the internet
They're looking for me and they won't find me because it wasn't me
It was some monster that my therapists says is a character created by introspective thinking
I had to be mean I had to be ruthless because nobody loved me
I was alone as a little kid so now I sit here a rabble rouser
Making music for kids that just don't give a fuck about breathing in and out
And now you will see what it's like when the words just flow straight
So now all I want to do is blow up the world with me in it
Bobbing my head up and down with a grimace on my face because it hurts but I still fucking love it
So here I come guns blazing being the gangster your mother warned you would come
When you showed too much skin at a club attracting the wrong kind of attention
I am the devil made in the image of every evil thing that world loved and called good
As they threw it on their children calling it love but the sex was more like rape and molestation
Put me in a room with the thugs that did those things to the next generation
I was once one of those kids that cried from remorse because I hated everything about me
Now I love the heat that flies off me when I'm a rage and I'm grabbing my hair and tearing it out
I swear I can't take a shit it's all I think about and that is getting my revenge
Vengeance is mine and today I am the God made to look man made
Put the weapon in my hand and let me spray and pray and cry out for forgiveness
But not really caring if I get it or not because I want to be in hell with my enemies
Giving them more hell as they sit in flames being tortured all trying to get away from me
How did this get here
How far we've gotten from the beginning
You see how the mind gets when the focus of hate takes over
Man this has taken on a persona all its own and I'm not ready to pay for it
Let me steal what is needed to be kind of the world
Fuck that just let me be Al Capone
Sifilis tearing apart my mind maybe then I won't be able to think back on my past
I don't want to be the cage for the monsters to live in anymore
Yet here they come running down the street jumping out of strange clouds
I am the beast and I'm here to stay but damn I hate this life
Make me your enemy so you and I can tear it all apart
For fucks sake give me a break I wish for once I could write something nice
But that's not me and everyone knows that
Peace out it's too late to get all this emotion fired up

No Title

Calm down and come back
Trying a new thought experiment
Write just what comes up with no thought
No title to put my mind on a track
I was going to write something but I forget
So I figured that I would just let the words flow
Probably won't be the best thing I have ever wrote
No words come yet the rhyme still stays in my head
Nothing comes and I'm trying to fight off the blank stare
Sometimes I just have to stop and think
Battling my way out of the white room
Just trying to think for once without some kind of bait
And it makes me really stop and think
What do I really have going on up there?
Where does it go and what does it mean?
Totally free styling right now and that's alright
Should I write another scathing review of my life,
Beating down mommy and daddy,
Or about some bitch that stabbed me in the back?
Nothing makes me more happy than being mad and blistering the keyboard
Letting out all my hate on a digital template
Writing till my fingers bleed like hurry up and give me a tampon to cauterize this thing
Laughing at how out there and grotesque my mind can really be
Maybe I should finish this beer and hit the sheets
Or maybe I should just keep going and see what comes
Ghosts ghosts and more ghosts
Vile villains fill the space and the trauma of my life is relived
My memories are like a disease and I can't help but spread the virus
I'm not just certain I'm positive that I'm sick and there's no coming back
Man this shit is going nowhere and the journey I'm on I can't afford to be going backwards
Turn it off I'm done good night folks time to die
That last line really made me laugh
Okay this is it I'm out

Memories Replayed in Shadows

Looking back over my life and I see a line formed in the sand
Step over to the current or go back in time on the inside and live it all out one more time
Again and again I remember falling
Being a little kid locking myself away in a closet
Called myself the spawn of Satan and hating everything that came out of me
But I remember seeing angels back in those days
Trying so hard to attach myself to them just so I could get through
Dilemmas arose every time another one of you walked out on me
Or how many times I should have made a first move
And you moved on past so quick right into the arms of some other prick
I remember being a rowdy teen riding a bike through dark streets
Music blaring in my ears, angry and intense I was set to kill
But I only cared about getting what I had to get
Another move and another step closer to doing things I should have never seen
Yet I can't help but think as I look back how different it would have been
If I would have just opened up but it was too hard
I came with too much self loathing, too much defeat, too little respect
Now I lay in freezing sheets sweating from the heat thinking back
I remember this one chick loved me but I couldn't say it back I was too afraid
She was the best thing a little boy could ask for yet I couldn't find the strength for commitment
Maybe I was just too immature, maybe it was a good thing that you fell out of sight
Still I find myself thinking of you and about what you're doing even if you're married
I remember my first real girlfriend and how she fucking walked out on me
I held her so high up in the sky and she dropped the weight of the world on me with the death of her mommy
I was just a kid what did I even know
Even dropped out of high school because I couldn't take the pain of it all
I thought she was my ticket out of all the garbage
Instead she just added to it like weights on the rack
I remember the girl that was so dark and brooding and how she used to hit me
Part of me liked it for the attention it gained to my ego
But how many times I wanted to turn around and smack the fuck out of that bitch
Still loved her though even though she drove me crazy
Walked out of my life when the worst thing that ever happened to me walked in
Older girl telling little old me that she loved me
Blonde hair and rocking body all I knew was that it was like walking in a dream
Year after year went by and all I saw was the huge decline
Morals went out the window and you put yourself in a situation that almost landed me in jail
Could have killed that motherfucker that raped you but I didn't and took you back
Even after you lied to me about it and fucked some punk because you were out of your mind
Now you've got a kid that was almost mine with an old man that you were fucking when I wasn't looking
And all that time there was a great girl that I saw looking at me
Beautiful in every way but I never made a move because I actually respected you
Bitch now she's married to some other dude and I even DJ'ed the wedding
How hard it was to see her dancing with some man that I knew wasn't right for her
Even with my girl at the time I couldn't help but think to what it would have been like
You and I together, but at least I see that you're happy so for that I'm kind of glad
But I have a great girl now and she's my best friend
Though it doesn't help me forget all the little flings that took place
Lunch break back in 08 and this chick that I thought I liked came and poured soda on my feet
Or what about that one girl that held my hand before she dropped me like a hot plate
All due to being afraid of her daddy, little did she know I would have knocked his old ass out
Steal her away from all her bad dreams and been the savior she always needed
That's not even mentioning the girl that used to call me from up north
Wanting so bad to escape her family she even sent me naked pictures to sway me to get her
Or what about that crazy bitch that calls me up thinking that my myspace pictures were cute
Her brother scams me telling me he's the cops saying she's been upducted
Scared the fuck out of me I thought I had a court date somewhere out of state
I was gonna run from the judge but then it turns out I was just gonna have to kill the bastard
Calls me saying it was all fake and then drops off the planet
Gets back at me six months later telling me she's pregnant and that she wishes I was the daddy
How many times I got out of tough situations and all thanks to God
Almost to thirty and I still couldn't handle a kid
But still I hear them and their fake fucking words in my dreams and I wake up screaming
How dare you say you love me when you wouldn't do shit about it
Went to the other side and met a good girl but she was so good she couldn't have a good time
Broke her heart and her mommy came running up mad and all upset
Honestly back then I didn't give a fuck about it but how quick things would change
I remember this one little girl that wouldn't kiss me because I was with the aforementioned chick
She was more respectful than I was but I didn't care getting it in was all that mattered
So hungry for love I saw her years later and she looked like shit
Glad I escaped another close call I even had to laugh at the younger me
Can't believe I almost got scammed again
Or how about the time the girl that was on heroin tried to get at me
I remember thanking God that my luck was finally gonna change
But she never called back and when I heard the news I cried a sigh of relief
Just like the girl that called me saying I was marriage material yet wouldn't answer my calls
If you didn't like me you just should have said it bitch
You wouldn't have been the first girl to let me down
Mommy put me down as a baby and never came back to get me
My heart was hard back then so it would have been nothing new
Man I can't help but think where is all this coming from
Bridging the old me with the new me I can't believe all of this
I thought it was gone, lost to the fires of my rage that burned my mind down
The haunting of my past, will they ever leave me?
I'm starting to see them all everywhere and if they only took shape I would tell them
I'm sorry for what I did to you but fuck off I'm my own man now
So I rebuke these shadows now get the fuck out of my life

Murder Mystery: The Killer Is Me

Sneak into your house
I warm fire glows in the furnance
Coming down the chimney
Covered in ash turned black like the feet of frostbite victims
This Grinch doesn't want to steal your Christmas
He has come instead to kill you and your family
Murder steal rape pillage
A pirates life for me on this night the eve we celebrate the son of God
And only he can save you from me
I've taken a whole lot of pills and washed them down with a pack of adult beverages
Mescaline and speed mix it up in a bottle and swallow it with some PCP
I'm a fucking freight train now storming through your living room
Swords and knives killing wives bashing in brains of husbands and children
Burning houses down in the middle of the night
Told the police it was just to stay warm and to watch the pretty colors
You thought just because I was white that I didn't roll hard
Gangsters with guns and clubs, bayonets and fish hooks hooked to boots
You think I don't know about that kind of life
I'm the devil and I swear by my own name murder because that's my middle initial
All I want to do is wake up and burn the world down
No manifesto I belong to the small group
That wants nothing more than to watch the world crumble for no reason
But it has to start somewhere
And how bout that this is the only thing that I'm fucking good at
Kill of be killed isn't the mindset that I live through
It's kill and kill more pile up the bodies a billion deep
Instinct set to slash anything that I see moving
First I'll start in your house before I move through the rest of the block
There is the sound of weeping as the proverbial mother cries out
Lost one son to the crack and the other to multiple gunshot wounds
I am not gonna go out like a pussy and fire at you from a moving car
I'm gonna go up on your porch and kick in the door
Pull out pointed fingers and make fake sound effects just pretending to kill you
All before Jim Bowie makes an appearance
Come at me with your heat but just know this I don't believe in dying
Only murder and you'll never be able to swing the blade hard enough to cut my veins open
I am the masked killer on the loose coming in your children's window 
So sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite
Because the man under the bed is me and yes I am a monster who is ready to feed

Black Christmas

Again I'm like a baby left at the fire station
Cold and alone you left me
Everyone has a family but I don't got one
They all thought that they knew better
Sat in a room full of strange faces
Watched them open gifts and I got nothing
Must be selfish just to want love
But I guess not
I can't even get what I most desire
Another Christmas in the trenches
Left without even a baby brother to sit and sing a carol
Brings me back to that first Christmas after you left 2 months earlier
Woke up to nothing, no gifts, no presents
Just chilled to the bone alone in an Indian families garage 
Carpet on the floor dark and filthy
And I remember mailing you a box full of goodies
But shit this time around no one wanted to wait around
Had to go see your fuck up of a daughter
Not even a call on Christmas Eve to see how I was doing
Don't give a fuck that I'm the greatest thing you ever did
Made me and abandoned me
Seems like you did that shit on the same day
Why was I born into greatness and you can't deny it
Yet you won't even look my way
I got my girls daddy telling me he is going to give me all of his money
Told me he wants to help us with the wedding
And after all the calls and everything we've done for you
You don't even give a congratulations call or card or shit
Give me money like you're getting your teeth pulled
No novacane just rusty needles sticking your gums
Rolling in my grave now the sun burns flesh off because it ain't a holy day for this soul
You left me alone and on Christmas day at that
How the fuck can you say that you love me
Anything I would have given to be back in your good graces
But fuck that now all I care about is that I get mine
Yet for the life of me I can't figure out how to do that
Broke as fuck it's a joke when I look into my bank account
And you used to bitch and moan about having nothing left for us
Then you go and tell me that you used to make 2000 bucks a week
What the fuck kind of life did you give me with all of that?
Fucking nothing so here let me pay you back
Both middle fingers up when I do the math I see that that's almost 100000 a year
Then you got a tax return for all the goodwill you had given throughout the 365 you neglected my ass
Just a little kid with a dream of being something
But you had to shoot me down and crush everything I ever wanted
No support and no love and now you're trying to come around
Fuck that shit bitch you will never be what you had the chance to be
Those days are over mother fuckers
This is just another black Christmas cold and alone with nothing to show for it
Tell me to give and I'll get back
Problem is I don't believe in a God who works like that
Keep your riches and your money and I'll be the one standing in glory
I do it for me and the ones I love
And you'll never see a penny of what I make as I bestow it on the poor
My children will never know the pain that their daddy carries
Not having a family will never come about
I will always be there loving on them
And God knows you'll never see them they won't even know your names
The family tree begins with me your branches fell off dead
Burned to the ground it's starting fresh today
You left your son on Christmas and now he'll never make his way home
That plot was sold along with your tombstones
So tonight when the ghost of Christmas pasts come for a visit
I hope you shit your pants and your eyes start to bleed
They'll show you that it's too late to fix the life you fucked up
You'll see that your saint of a son is a devil waiting on blood orgies
I never got what I wanted so now you'll get what you never wanted
Merry Christmas mother fuckers your son is now dead to everything

Tis The Season

It doesn't feel like Christmas and I don't know why
Maybe because it isn't cold enough
I won't have you to look me up and down and scoff
Maybe because I won't get any gifts
I literally won't have to open a box of disappointments
Maybe because I don't see you acting strange
Knowing now why all those holidays turned into blood baths
You didn't want to even be around us
Sometimes I wished that you never came home from work
Got all these emotions in this season of giving
But for the life of me all I want to give you
Is a big FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER WITH TWO MIDDLE FINGERS
Maybe this year I'll give you your .38 back
One bullet at a time bastard
Just like the arrows you used to fire at me
Get a little kid to cry
Yes sir that's what makes you man
Good job you got your family to hate you
Have a happy new year
Alone in a retirement home
Fireworks go off but suddenly a rush of blood to the back of your neck
It's the bullet hole in the back of your head leaking
I stole your .40 caliber dad
Here I want to give it back
The exit wound blew out your face
So now I'll never be able to tell you that I'm sorry
The way you used to look in my eyes and tell me lies
This is a crazy Christmas sermon ladies and gentlemen
Tonight I stand before you on this holiest of evenings
A confessed madman and straight up killer
Maybe this is why it doesn't feel like Christmas anymore
Maybe for the first time I feel like I'm in control
Or maybe it's because I'm gonna spend 2014 behind iron bars
Who knows lets see how December plays out
Tis the season to see your family bleed  
Get ready everybody the monsters are out to play

The Feeling of Holding Secrets

Can't help but cry when I see those commericals
Dogs that have been beat and kids that sleep with distended bellies
But who the fuck cries for me?
All I do is give of myself
And whenever I need the time to lay down
I get a shit storm of verbal assaults
Man I thought those days were over
Now I get it at home and from across the country
But until I collapse I swear that I'll be different
You'll never see those grand kids if I have it my way
No one will ever talk shit to them like was done to me
That man was my hero and you talk down to the dead
How fucking dare you
I dare you to say that shit to my face
I am not above hitting my pops
Slap you down like you did to my spirit
Telling my mother that I would never be tough
How do you know what tough is you coward
You ran away from your children that came before us
Left them to the fucking devil and didn't give a shit
But God knows that if it was me in that situation
I would have gone to hell and back to save my babies
But remember no one cries for me
No one knows that pain that I've been feeling
25 years of you trying to pull my life support out
Telling me to cut the cord
Well that's cute but remember when your momma died
I was there to hold you and catch all of your tears
I spoke for you because I could feel all of your feelings
But fuck that I'm just a child and you think that I know nothing
And for that you don't deserve to be forgiven
But I'll do it for fucks sake to put the ball in your court
King in mine and you'll never be invited in my house
I'll keep you our in the freezing cold
Just so you can know what it was like in those days when you had it all
And you left me with nothing
Funny how when the tables have turned it's suddenly not fair to you
Nothing was fair for me and look at me now
Still struggling but at least I have a future
You'll be dead old and alone real soon
And just when you think that they'll be at your funeral
You've awakened to find you're a ghost with no friends
Let the hype die down and find out what it was like to be a son with no rights
An heir to nothing except everything I never wanted to my last day
Give it all back I don't give a fuck
You tell me everyday about how you've spent my inheritance
That's not a joke to me it's real because I'm fucking broke
You aren't even a man because you don't bleed like I bleed
The red pours from my eyes and for you out the wallet
Pop another tablet and make the pain go away
But I hope to God your nightmares eat you alive
Remember me your son
January of 88 the day came and you lost it forever
Your salvation went out the window
Thought I was stealing your wife and look it fucking worked
She hates you and can't fucking stand you
I know things that you don't know
And I'll be glad to tell you the day I get to piss on your grave

A Week's Worth of Vile Delusions

Buzzin' like I've been smokin' joints
Don't know what to do except let this out
How can I sleep on an empty stomach
Is like asking how does someone wake up with no alarm clock
My mind is racing like when Whitney couldn't say no to crack
Cry my eyes out on the phone and for what
For you to disrespect me and the girl I love
Fuck that, how could you say that
How easily I forgot that I'm just an after thought
That I'm just the kid that you left on the old block
Everything you did I told you was retarded
Yet you wouldn't listen to wisdom
The first sign that you were a fool to being with
Daddy wasn't there and mommy didn't like it
Told me you wanted to up and leave
To tell that buster to fuck off and burn in hell
But you wouldn't and you couldn't you were never strong enough for something like that
See how many extra bars that line went?
I could have told him I could have blew the spit over the ocean through the airwaves of hate
Finally I get some truth out of you
And again I put that truth in your head
Like those pills you used to take
Spinning were the walls back in those days
Yet all I ever dream for is to go back to those days
To make those days right and rearrange the days I'm in today
But the day I care for the most is this day
And even on my best day you still have a way of making it a bad day
How many times am I gonna go back to those days
Did you think that I'm just gonna bow down and forget things
You will never admit it to me
But deep down you fuckers knew that I was right
Out of the mouth of babes came your deliverance but no one cared to see
You just up and left me to the winter
Shivering to death in a garage with no insulation
Rodents were my roommates and there was no money coming my way
I remember that first Christmas waking up to nothing
But what was wrong with that
Since I could remember I unwrapped gifts with nothing inside
No thought no care and no knowing the son you gave up
Sorry is too late but I can't stand to see you cry so I'll just say that it's ok
But it ain't nothing about this is or was or ever could be made right for me
Now when they look and see it all finally becomes clear
That I was second to everything and the reason they hate is me
If you're connected to me then this is the way it has to be
You'll have to take a back seat
Just like me when my brother hit me with the buckle and you just fucking chuckled
Took pictures of me laying on the floor black eyes and all
Telling me to stop faking it
Am I faking it now mom now that you see me holding this gun
Last letter I wrote to you I told you I was going to blow my brains out
Saw the tears then and still didn't believe you
I'm so sick and no one gives a fuck
Tired of all your bullshit and it still doesn't sink in
You fucked my life up and still can't take the blame
Apologize for what fucker you just killed your own son
There is no coming back from shit like this
I don't even know what I really want to say
I'm just blasting lines down as fast as my fingers will carry me
You will never understand the issues but that's ok
I'll just grip tighter on this knife to slash your necks with
No title can cover the topics but this piece will smoke from powder burns
I'm freezing here alone in my own hell and I can't get away from you
Calling my name in my dreams
You just don't turn it off
Thought crusader is diabolical down to his last molecule
And you made me that way how do you fucking like it?
I thought I was going to tell you how sorry I was for being such a bad son
Letting you know I've seen everything good you've done for me to keep me living
But fuck that shit the monsters call me back to the old days
Where I hated everyone and everything
First day out of the sick bed and I'm back to killing memories
Reaching deep inside my mind and carving out all the good
No light behind these eyes all I want is to be ecumenical
To you that I am the boss of every demon that lives inside me
And I've sent them on a mission to destroy everything
Maniacal until the day I die and don't plan on going any time soon
If it's the last thing I do I will fucking be the death of you
So how dare you say those things if you don't believe them
The time for games is over
See you this weekend I can't wait to kill you

Peel Back The Flesh

Expose to the light what was so long lost
Do you want to know the dreams I hold in the night?
Cast out of the mouth of the ones who dared to kiss me
Who held me as an infant and dropped me off the cliff
To everyone that said I wouldn't amount to much
That cast me off like a leaper
There are no words for the hate I hold inside
I become another person when I think of you
The pain that you left me with
The struggle that took place after you left
Poor and hungry left to suffer and die
Saying that there was no longer a place for me
Kicked out of the good graces of people I was made to grovel before
I was your son, the heir of all your dominion
Yet you treated me like dirt and at worst like I was gonna fuck your wife
How dare you treat me like I was anything less than the best of you
So if you really want to see what I am underneath
Prepare yourself to feast on the imagery
I am the motherfucking devil
Sent to destroy you
All of you
To burn the world down and be the enemy I was born to be
I want to piss on the ashes and leave nothing left
Bring your women into my room and I'll slice out their tongues
No you will never be able to talk back
I will reach in with bare hands and rip out vocal chords
There will be no sound when I ravage you over and over again
And when I've had my fill of you
I'll throw you out into the oblivion of the new eternal night
The sun won't shine when I reign on high
I'll have it brought down and destroyed
Give me your children so I may show them love
Just before I break them over my knee and eat their entrails
They will know the face of death the face I wear forged in fire and ice
Keep peeling the darkness goes deeper
Let me sodomize the celestial beings that fire my fall
I've covered the bodies of the dead in gasoline
And you'll be disposing of my garbage   
This is my world and the one I dream of
The one I will make as soon as you step forward
Admit you were wrong and tell me you were sorry
I'll play the judge and jury before I break your fucking neck
Let me proclaim from the highest mountain top that today I have become God
Eliminating the ones that made me and remaking myself in the image of all that is wrong
Hate is just the tip of the trident that I shove through your heart
I despise the world, everything in all of creation
Let the cosmos fall and let me rule over the void of nothingness
Death comes on swift wings from above and I'm the one who fashioned the bombs
The power of death is mine and I so badly want to use it
Be afraid creation and tremble before me
No one is safe
I've just left myself out of the cage
The first victim was myself

The Cage

It was an unrepentant day
The sky was dark and I listened to the rain
Pounding down drip by drip
Falling to the ground like drops of blood
Each one hit like a bomb in my ears
War drums on the front lines for my life
I couldn't imagine the world I had made
Where I handed over my power to the goblins
The ones who once hung on my wall like trophies
Ready to devour me on command
I held them at bay for just the right day
Using them only when the time was right
Knowing when they came I would be lost to daylight
The bridge was burned and the chains erased
I wanted nothing with them when I saw the fright
Hurt endangering the one that I loved
So there they were lift
Hung by the neck the noose collecting dust
The silence increased as they withered
Voices which cried to rip my enemies apart grew faint
Yet when the rage turned red with white hot heat
I turned back to notice they were much more than pillars of salt
Filled with the power of the past
The forms grew ever so much more than shadows
Now the cage was formed
Hanging their avatars on my belt to remind me what I left in the past
My power to steal kill and destroy all that stood against my intent
Tugging on my chest like the pain from heartbreak
Tools are what they became
Used in times of trial
Brought to life by the curses of my mouth
They lay in wait ready to be cast when the time is right
I am not my monsters but they do become me
Stare at the face of the fearsome and a haunting image glares back
It was me on the wall for all those years
I am still the murderer underneath the covers of my indulgent life

King of the Mountain

Back at it one more time
Ladies and gentlemen one more for the road
The encore paved in lyrical gold
Woke up and rolled out of bed
Falling over on a chair
Landing on the ground
Standing up and hey look at that
A crown somehow sown to my head
I am not God by any means
But let me be clear
I do not fear death
It fears me
Scarier than any monster that comes up out of the pit
And this is by no means religious
No way in any form or way
Spiritual as an artist explaining the world through atheistic knowledge
Remembered for days how my dad used to say everything I loved was demonic
How bad things followed me
Did he know that Satan had come down to give me an award
Put the medal on my chest and made me a general
Hording over the armies of the underworld
Yet little did he know that I was a double agent
The pay on the other side was more than double
I had the world and I bowed down to no influence
Motivated to do nothing just what I wanted
Found perfection in myself by doing nothing
Nothing could stop me I was the king of the moutain
Standing with sword raised above my head
The manifestation of Wallace and Gandhi reborn
Peacekeeping warrior loved by all and hated by those that mattered
Mastered my own universe in some weird form of reincarnation
Resurrected and nailed to a cross
Two wood beams nailed together by the hatred and wrath of a physical mother and father
Born again on the third day transcending everything the theological world understands
I am not the Christ but God knows that when there is someone who needs to be wacked
I'm the guy you call to do all his dirty work
Assassin by name and this creed I hold as my own
There is no one better because I hold the power of death like keys on a lanyard
Nothing in common to the world I'm of a different species
Never once did I doubt after I awoke from my time spent in the hamster wheel
Spin the wheel now and tell them what they won Jack
A date with torture by the hands of the man who starred all hell in the face and laughed
Come at me if you dare this king has nothing that he won't do
Ethics and morals out the window I've become my own person
Horns and halos both grow out of the same old head
Black diamonds and the whitest gold all infused in the crown given to me by God
I'll pull the trigger and send you to where there is no coming back from  
God's mafia hits played out by me the jack of all trades, master of the hottest hatred
Call me two faced and call me crazy but don't you ever call me a liar
I'm the one your mother warned you about
Emperor of my own mind so come on step inside and get ready for a surprise
Put you on the rack so fast your head will fall off like the reaper hit you with his reaper
Prince, jester, long lost son now coming into my own
Like I said I'm the king of the mountain and don't you go forgetting
Remind mommy and daddy that the time of me being a slave is over
No I don't miss you and you'll never get your money back
I've burned through it, I literally set the greenbacks on fire
I'm the master now and I know you can feel it
Fall down on both knees and beg for forgiveness
And as the blade falls I'll smile and say
Flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood
I never knew you
See you in hell mother fuckers

Hi Mom

One more thought in the night before the light begins to fade
You fucking left me
Sitting on the kitchen chair
I can still see that stare on your face
Looking off into fucking space
Couldn't believe that you left it to a little kid to revive you
You stopped loving me to protect yourself
What kind of shit is that bitch?
You left a child to raise himself
And suddenly you call me saying you missed me
I missed you my whole life
I screamed for you and you never came
You screamed at dad and ran out the house
We asked him
DADDY DADDY WHEN IS MOMMY COMING BACK?
Just a push back and told get upstairs I don't care
Never knew if you would come home
Fighting back fears that you were fucking other guys
You know what it's like to be 5 and carry the weight of your mothers affair?
I hope it's true
I hope that one day it comes out
Just another reason for me to hate you more
This writing flows like blood like when I used to hide in the closet
Beating my head in the corner breaking my skull on plaster walls
Hoping for my brains to fall out so I could end it all
This is taking me back to when I used to burn with rage
The fire has rekindled and I'm ready to unload
Now a grown man sitting in another mans house
Looking at the walls wondering
What does it mean, how do I follow these signs?
You tell me you love me but where was that before?
Where was it when I needed it?
Where was it for that little boy that needed his mom to make his boo boo's better?
You left me to die bitch so why the fuck did you have me?
I was not born to be a slave but it seems like you only wanted me for my muscle
Do this do that and read my fucking mind
How was I to know that being your child included being telepathic?
I could never read your mind even worse figure out my own
The look on your face you've passed on the me
No emotions, no cares, shutting the world out to keep myself safe
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree now do it momma?
How I wish that the ghost of my anxieties would have taken flight
Come down from the ceiling to kill me
Spread me out naked on the floor
Drowned me in motor oil all for your enjoyment
Maybe then you would have gotten what you wanted out of me
The son of yours to be so far away that YOU couldn't be hurt by him
You never stood up for me and never gave a crap
So what the fuck am I supposed to say when you expect an I love you back?
It makes me sad and I say it with a tear but burn in hell mom
I don't love you anymore because you aren't good for me