Hate In Continuum

I am only a man
And a man is a slave to what masters him
So what is it that holds the reigns of life?
A deep dark secret that no one knows
How do I stand in the pulpit of truth,
While in private I am chained to lust?
Teaching others to love their enemies
But my enemy is myself
And I've yet to fully come to terms with that
Knowing full well that I'm a failure
Becoming what I hate most
A liar and a thief stealing from those I love the most
I've become a walking contradiction
Hating the thing that I tell others was made in perfection
Formed from light and peace
This creature I see looking back at me
Is nothing more then the shell of a man
Continuing to hate and being hated
Like more then one person lives inside my skin
If only this flesh would just go to waste
So that I could replace it with another
One that was not chosen for me before birth
Genetically altered to how I saw fit
Unable to hold to things that spawn pure evil
Going on years now that I prayed to be more than God
Not to rule as sovereign but to be right in all things
Being a mere human comes with so much failure
Lord make me of the nature that you dwell in
So that I could love my enemies as I love myself
Because right now that is not happening
Making myself sick with the thought
That I am nothing more then a petty rapist and addict
I was a face eating zombie before bath salts hit the market
You think this world you see is dark
You've never seen evil like the things that grew deep within me
My hate sabotages my peace and all I want is peace
It's like I learned absolutely nothing from the fall
When I lost my place in heaven among the morning stars
Only chocking on smoke as I breath in my own aroma
Dripping wet from drowning in the tears of my sorrow
Where is my revenge and the tactic to execute?
Pulling the lever and making the world go dark
Everyday this becomes what I wake to find
My nightmares becoming realities
Further causing me to hate my life