The dreams I had as a little boy
Disappeared in the aftermath of an eruption
Something crept into my mind that wasn't real
Making a home in grey matter it became reality
So far back that all the memory is black
Before coming through an open womb
Joy turned to pain and my smiled washed away
Eyes wide open yet I can't see
The reason for why I sit up afraid
Cradling a pillow in the middle of the night
Fear has become my companion
Ever since you left me to see demons on my own
There were no words to help comfort me
But for now I've studied all the tape
Only to discover that in the end everything is meaningless
Blankness dominated by bleakness
Shoved to the surface hand in hand with the spirit of apathy
Not caring is not the same as not living
Chest rising and falling the functions still remain
Yet a soul is left uncovered
Ready for the taking by the first bounty hunter to pass
I've only become this warrior through trial and error
Many mistakes leading up to bigger grace
Favor upon deeds that leave the experts floored
The killer in me created out of the ashes of desperation
This is not even the monster that I keep locked in a cage
It is just the part manifested to protect me
So sitting back and asking why
Looking for the genesis and the reasons it started
I can't find an answer that makes sense in all forms
To know the purpose of my birth is beyond me
When before you told me I wasn't wanted
And now it seems like I've reverted back to that little boy
A grown man looking for a monarchs love
Patriarchs blessings now hold a meaning
Why was it when I sought it before,
There was only anarchy that worked itself out?
Now the world has a man walking on the land
Afraid of himself and the darkness he holds within
Never have I ever wanted my life to just blow away so badly
Lets start over beginning with my color
Rebuilt out of metal so I will never be hurt again
They say pain lets you know you're alive
But if this is living how could death be any better?
Title it and send it on its way
A piece on brokenness
All it is is a piece of a piece
Fragments of a mind that at points is blind
Then turning the corner and only seeing red
If only I could understand myself
Well folks this is over
My only relief is coming up
Time to lay my head down and go to sleep
Where sometimes I pray I would never wake again
Not suicidal but just completely rational
Justify this life when you've walked in my shoes
Don't want to take the plunge and do what I do
Jumping off a cliff with jagged rocks at the bottom
I don't even want to hear my name being spoken
Every time thinking that I've got a breakthrough
How to get to the lifestyle I want is impossible
Everything is turning and the equilibrium shaky
With insight like this I still see that I'm wrecked
Take me back to the times before my brain went numb
Maybe I'll find that the hope of my future will be revealed
But to be honest I must say this
I'm not holding my breath
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