Afraid

Once upon a time not so long ago
A little boy stood in the closet
Not wanting to come out
Wandering and searching for the reason
Mommy was always yelling
And daddy was too tired to put up
So I grew up with imaginary friends
The monster under my bed became my protector
Crushing skulls he taught me everything
How to be evil and build up impenetrable walls
Now I know all the moves
Breaking bones is just like breathing for me
Finally I came out and I came out fighting
Knocking fuckers out like I was Mike Tyson
One punch one kill
It was as simple as firing mental 50 caliber rounds
Pouring out my rage that was so pent up
You just released a masked serial killer on the world
Full to the brim with ammunition
His words were his power
And his fist and feet were bombs photographed in the background
Killing enemies as well as family members
Seeing my parents hearts break was a success that I could celebrate
I no longer had to be afraid of what they could do to me
But times changed and I found love
Now I scare my girlfriend because she looks into my eyes
Empty and void of emotion
The only thing she can see is a fire that ignites when I'm backed against a wall
I don't need that monster anymore
That little boy grew to a man who is compassionate and looks out for the innocent
He doesn't need to kill his parents anymore
Phantoms from depression don't exist so the giant must go
Masking pain with humor or outlandish behavior is done
This beast no longer deserves a place inside my heart
So now I shake with all kinds of new fears
Afraid that he will come out to seek and destroy
Outside of my control he still breaths even if it is in a cell
Breaking chains was never a problem before
And over the years I've seen him grow in lock down
Adding fuel to his fire with all the bullshit of life in the world
I'm tired of running away from myself
I want to be present and more then just a shell of a man
This monster has to die but he has no enemies
No poison can kill him and no bullet can pierce through his skin
So how do you choke out something that doesn't breath?
Made to never tap he'd rather fail then give up
Please God take the knife and cut this serpent out of me
Crush his head or at least make him invisible
Because I'm so tired of this shit this is isn't a real life
Fear of anything tense I can no longer live like this
Goodnight