Guilt Hangover

Once again the heart beats faster then it has to
Once again I've gone too far
The best night of my life became a waiting game of shame
Who knows what's gonna happen next
Like using words that just aren't in my vocabulary
Compulsive liar but the guilt tells a different story
The truth hurts when it contradicts what the world sees you as
Somebody is bound to find out
One day I'll die and they'll find all my dirty secrets
Skeletons in my closet are the least in my problems
Dead prostitutes in my dresser drawers is getting closer to reality
Lust and perversion wrapped in a blanket of love
I could tell you exactly what you need to hear
All so that I could get my way
My way or the highway
Forcing you to work a corner to make daddy some presidential faces
I've lost track of what it means to be pure
A black ticker with arteries clogged by thick oil sludge
Nothing good really exists inside of this man
So many parts fighting for supremacy
Bipolar disorder would be a step up in my situtation
Lets list all the cronies who wear masks in my mind
First there is the little boy who my therapists says will always remain alive
As much as I want to get rid of him he just won't die
That part of me that holds on to hope and purity
When the shell of my body has lived long enough in the world to know
Nothing good is really out there he's just a waste of space
Next comes the monster who is pure rage and lust
All he desires are cannibalistic rendezvous with coked out porn stars
White hot anger is his fuel and it takes the strength of 10 men to hold him back
A killer who never needs a weapon he just reaches out to chock you
Next there is the righteous vendetta vigilante
With the anger of the monster but with the morals of a logical case of man slaughter 
Another form of protection that sees the world for what it really is
A cold hard place that offers nothing to bring you up as something worthy to be remembered
Alpha takes the wheel most of the time
Driving me straight and on the narrow
But once the fuel hits the fire in the back seat
That car is off the cliff before you can blink
The weakest member of the bunch
Even the boy has more influence in what happens next
How can I keep living when I'm controlled by phantoms?
Yet at the end of the day I hate all of these people who live inside me
I'm waking up every morning so hungover
Eaten alive by last nights escapades
So go ahead and read what you think
But if this one got published I'll be spending time behind bars
Or at least in a padded room chained to a jacket that's anything but straight
Fear that I really am crazy and shit like this makes me really think
I've got split personality disorder and it's destroying me slowly
This has already gone too long I've got more to say but that's for another time