Ethos

As I sit here in silence my mind all a riot
Aroused in the flurry of madness
The question does linger and I'll try to achieve it
Of who or what I have become

I've come to realize that to state the whole reason that the mind will go deeper
To know ones self is of the highest order

Especially when you feel that your life is in disorder
Putting it simply is what I feel is best

Asking the sages what answer fulfills my quest
Knowing what it is that truly makes a man
Will help me to understand the quality of my being

Is a man a man by becoming that which lives within his view?
A product of his nature and what surrounds his soul?
Or is it what he dreams of being far beyond his reaching?
Striving but never finding
Perfection is so eternally fleeting

Yet deep within his inner man the question finds an answer
By quiet times the voices die and lay bare a solved equation
That deep inside all men there lies a hidden dark agenda
It is in the taking of things that we gain our being
For we become what we consume

I've eaten from the masters table as well as from the floor
Part of me loves the elegance of kings who serve the common man

But deeper in me is a heart that cheats and wants the world to suffer
Soiled in lust for flesh I erupt to atrocity's that I will now yet speak

Yearning for skin to fill a need for consumption as well as the darkest of depraved thinking
Murder and sex are what drives this boy nuts
Causing a split at the seems

I see in myself that pinnacle of rot along with stoutest of righteous hearts
But how is it so that I am a villain and foe,
Alongside the savior and hero?

The topic for discussion can only be sought of
When one is a fool and a stoic
So who can I be when I only see a man who's being pulled apart?