I fucking hate the way you speak to me
All I do is defend you and you shit on me
How dare you stand against me
After all I've done
You take a tone with an attitude
There are days you deserve to be slapped down
It's no wonder why your kind were so despised
Looked down upon and made to serve
Cook and clean it's all you're good for
Forced to be ridden like animals
It's not wonder you were not allowed to speak
You don't fucking think as you start to fucking speak your piece
Saying I don't love you and I don't care
I bend over backwards for you bitch
And this is how you repay me
I ought to punch you in the throat
Then we'll see who has the last word
You want to call it off on a technicality
Well go for it because I'm tired of your shit
I've given you my heart and this is what you do
Run back to your mother bitch and you'll see
The cunt never wanted you anyway
You've so soon forgotten what it was like
When she used to drag you by the hair across the floor
You forgot the nights of terror as mommy and daddy traded blows
Trying to kill each other they put you in the middle of it
I was there to save you and you think I've done nothing
You want me to be a perfect prince but you don't seem to remember
I am a murderer washed clean to come in the house
But the blood on my hands will never disappear
The voices of my victims still cry out from beneath my skin
And you think that that just all goes away so quick
Watch your mouth with me little girl
Or your teeth might come up missing
I love you but I swear to God deadly force might be involved
In order to silence you so I can think for one fucking secound
I hate they way you treat me
Always turning away
But when I go and say a word you march out with armies of vicious words
Well if that's the way it's gonna be then I think what is really in order
Is a backhand to the face of the bitch who can't keep her fucking emotions under wrap
Being seen and not heard is sounding more and more like a good idea
So don't temp me or I'll break you and in the place that will always hurt
I'll crush your fucking heart just say the word
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen
I close my eyes at the end of the day and it all plays back
A tape of endless chatter, nothing caught to replay
All I want is someone to know what it was really like
To walk a mile in my shoes
Bruised feet moving over the pavement covered in broken glass
It sounds poetic and it sounds horrific but in the end it is only this
There is a pain so deep that no amount of digging can bring it out
Lost to time and decayed the ruins of a civilized mind don't even remain
All I know was that it was just a misunderstanding
One that lead to my death
Broken teeth scattered on the cement kicked in by ones I loved
The mess is mine but made by others yet I'm still holding the pieces
I've beat my fists down into the ground and the blood pours down like rain
Painting the walls and staining my cloths, the puddles form where I never played
My life has poured out into obscurity and time just laughs in my face
If only the world could feel how I feel and know the things I do
They would never treat me in such a manner
Not if they wanted to keep on breathing
But this is just a repeat
A rerun of my time
And in all that I've got nothing to hide
Yet merit does not find a grip with all the holes in the story
For one day look through my eyes and see
That all that's left is blood but there's nothing left to bleed
A tape of endless chatter, nothing caught to replay
All I want is someone to know what it was really like
To walk a mile in my shoes
Bruised feet moving over the pavement covered in broken glass
It sounds poetic and it sounds horrific but in the end it is only this
There is a pain so deep that no amount of digging can bring it out
Lost to time and decayed the ruins of a civilized mind don't even remain
All I know was that it was just a misunderstanding
One that lead to my death
Broken teeth scattered on the cement kicked in by ones I loved
The mess is mine but made by others yet I'm still holding the pieces
I've beat my fists down into the ground and the blood pours down like rain
Painting the walls and staining my cloths, the puddles form where I never played
My life has poured out into obscurity and time just laughs in my face
If only the world could feel how I feel and know the things I do
They would never treat me in such a manner
Not if they wanted to keep on breathing
But this is just a repeat
A rerun of my time
And in all that I've got nothing to hide
Yet merit does not find a grip with all the holes in the story
For one day look through my eyes and see
That all that's left is blood but there's nothing left to bleed
What Changed?
Everyday I asked myself,
All my life who am I?
All my life who am I?
ALL MY LIFE WHO AM I?
ALL MY LIFE WHO AM I?
I screamed and screamed and there was never an answer
Just a lonely room on an island the world forgot
I was alone until a pure white light came
It gave me hope and it gave me rest
I worked in the beginning but then we were stuck
So far in love that the answers started making sense
I was here for her and she was here for me
And together we were the express image of something greater
Bigger and better then I had ever thought existed
She was the one and will always hold that prize
But out of the woodwork something did arive
The number could be counted on one hand
Yet to me it was like they came in droves
One by one they saw me when all I wanted to do was hide
I was changed and I didn't want to be that old guy
I wanted to be nice but now I see that it all backfired
I searched deep inside my mind trying to find
I was still that little boy who only wanted to die
No one ever wanted me and I thought I was cursed at birth
To live alone and die alone without the half my heart was searching for
Figuring out who I was in partial form led me down a very wrong road
There were others there waiting to exploit
Thinking long and hard and I still couldn't figure out why
Why there were there
Why they were talking
Why they were seeking
Why they were dead set on my flesh
Confusion set in and all I wanted to know was,
What changed and had I really become fine,
Something to be wanted, lusted after like my pedestal had surpassed the rest in line?
Never understanding even now as I write
Here comes a scary thought
If they only knew my true nature they'd never give me a look
So the realization is I'm hiding and I don't know why
I don't even want to show myself fully to the one I love most
Can I help that I like the attention but it forces me to run
Now my guilt outweighs my confusion and I'm trapped
But the thought that I can't escape
The thing that makes this all seem to be legit enough to be phony cash
Is what changed and why can't I see it in myself?
All my life who am I?
All my life who am I?
ALL MY LIFE WHO AM I?
ALL MY LIFE WHO AM I?
I screamed and screamed and there was never an answer
Just a lonely room on an island the world forgot
I was alone until a pure white light came
It gave me hope and it gave me rest
I worked in the beginning but then we were stuck
So far in love that the answers started making sense
I was here for her and she was here for me
And together we were the express image of something greater
Bigger and better then I had ever thought existed
She was the one and will always hold that prize
But out of the woodwork something did arive
The number could be counted on one hand
Yet to me it was like they came in droves
One by one they saw me when all I wanted to do was hide
I was changed and I didn't want to be that old guy
I wanted to be nice but now I see that it all backfired
I searched deep inside my mind trying to find
I was still that little boy who only wanted to die
No one ever wanted me and I thought I was cursed at birth
To live alone and die alone without the half my heart was searching for
Figuring out who I was in partial form led me down a very wrong road
There were others there waiting to exploit
Thinking long and hard and I still couldn't figure out why
Why there were there
Why they were talking
Why they were seeking
Why they were dead set on my flesh
Confusion set in and all I wanted to know was,
What changed and had I really become fine,
Something to be wanted, lusted after like my pedestal had surpassed the rest in line?
Never understanding even now as I write
Here comes a scary thought
If they only knew my true nature they'd never give me a look
So the realization is I'm hiding and I don't know why
I don't even want to show myself fully to the one I love most
Can I help that I like the attention but it forces me to run
Now my guilt outweighs my confusion and I'm trapped
But the thought that I can't escape
The thing that makes this all seem to be legit enough to be phony cash
Is what changed and why can't I see it in myself?
Same Old Same Old
I can't believe I'm writing again
How easily the thoughts come past
Through the fingers and onto the page
Stained with blood these hands have witnessed change
Since last we met things are different
But the dark matter sucks me back
And I'll never be able to write from the other side of life
I still drown in the blankness
It's so maddening that there are days I can't wake up
I'm walking around alive but I'm not really there
The lights are on and no ones home
Except the house has been vacant and burnt to the ground
My mind is fixed on things that I can't fix
Worried about things that I can't predict
I hold in my heart a fear of nothing
Yet my soul grows tired from the fact that I'm dying inside
You only get one shot and I've fired past the target
Missing my prime I now just sit and wait
Knowing what I know I know that I will never even die
Just waste into nothing like the sound in my mind
White noise is not the best way to describe
What it's like to live inside of my shell
The sound is so quiet that it results in pain that lingers forever
Burst the bubble and come outside
To find the world bowing down to the sun as it cooks them alive
I am a legend and a hero of renown
But I hold no trophies and no one wants me to sign
The broken pieces of paraphernalia that mark my existence in time
How I wish that life would press on me the extraordinary
So that I could sit in a room and tell the tales
Without the listener falling into a coma
Even I don't want to hear myself
As I speak of the mundane expression of humanity that I eke out
Dig the tunnel with a spoon and you'll know what it's like
The ghost inside this mediator wants out and he wants adventure
But when you live in the worlds most underpopulated town
You can do nothing but starve and go to sleep
Don't think I'm deceiving myself on this one
I'd set myself on fire just to watch me burn
If it meant that it could give me an escape for 10 damn minutes
Barely been alive and this whole time I've been stuck in my grave
There is living worth doing but all I ever see
Is the same old same old crawling back to me
How easily the thoughts come past
Through the fingers and onto the page
Stained with blood these hands have witnessed change
Since last we met things are different
But the dark matter sucks me back
And I'll never be able to write from the other side of life
I still drown in the blankness
It's so maddening that there are days I can't wake up
I'm walking around alive but I'm not really there
The lights are on and no ones home
Except the house has been vacant and burnt to the ground
My mind is fixed on things that I can't fix
Worried about things that I can't predict
I hold in my heart a fear of nothing
Yet my soul grows tired from the fact that I'm dying inside
You only get one shot and I've fired past the target
Missing my prime I now just sit and wait
Knowing what I know I know that I will never even die
Just waste into nothing like the sound in my mind
White noise is not the best way to describe
What it's like to live inside of my shell
The sound is so quiet that it results in pain that lingers forever
Burst the bubble and come outside
To find the world bowing down to the sun as it cooks them alive
I am a legend and a hero of renown
But I hold no trophies and no one wants me to sign
The broken pieces of paraphernalia that mark my existence in time
How I wish that life would press on me the extraordinary
So that I could sit in a room and tell the tales
Without the listener falling into a coma
Even I don't want to hear myself
As I speak of the mundane expression of humanity that I eke out
Dig the tunnel with a spoon and you'll know what it's like
The ghost inside this mediator wants out and he wants adventure
But when you live in the worlds most underpopulated town
You can do nothing but starve and go to sleep
Don't think I'm deceiving myself on this one
I'd set myself on fire just to watch me burn
If it meant that it could give me an escape for 10 damn minutes
Barely been alive and this whole time I've been stuck in my grave
There is living worth doing but all I ever see
Is the same old same old crawling back to me
The Letter Never Sent
SCREAMING AS LOUD AS I CAN
No words come out
I'm voicless
I've become my surroundings
Unheard the mouth opens letting the fire out
Dragons imitate but they could never produce this kind of filth
They say sign the dotted line and don't think twice
You have to be good now buddy it's for your own benefit
We know best and you have to hold it in
Self control is the key to winning this fight
But to that I say
FUCK YOU GO KILL YOURSELF
I've got this pent up energy
To kill, to spill the blood of all those who hurt me
You took my youth but gave me a weapon in return
The experience it takes to end every fucking one of you
But there is no relief
Standing over the dead there is no one left to blame
No one left to destroy with my fists
I'll bite the heads off of every single one of you
Spit down your severed necks and wear your skin as a mask
Hiding all the pain and the hurt
I'm betrayed by my own eyes
Rub dirt in them so they'll turn black and you'll never figure out another thought
Analyze this for a start
There is nothing more to do then just waste away
I see who to blame and yet they can't be touched
Yet I can't help feeling like this is all my fault
BUT THE RAGE WON'T LET ME FORGIVE MYSELF
I have to live off of the hate that has been built up
There is no fuel like it NO there is NOTHING like it
Yet the knives don't cut deep enough
The bombs don't blow away those soul fragments
Bullets to the head don't erase those kind of memories
I was fucked and left for dead and I still can't forget
It molded a monster, a man-eater
I've survived on the flesh of my enemies but now there aren't any left
How long can I go on by feeding on myself?
I came out of a shadow and entered into the world of shadows
There is no light there is no hope there is nothing to hide the scars
I've laid before the world naked and bare and they looked on in lust
Never in help, NEVER IN HEALING!
All I ever wanted was to be right
Now those hopes have gone out the window
Rope tied around the neck
The taught pull severs the vital parts from the mechanical
Second chances have run their course
Time to give up and float away
Fuck you if you think I'm gonna kill myself
I'd rather piss on an electrical line if I thought that would help
NO! YOU WON'T TAKE ME, YOU WON'T WIN!
I'll let the devil come get me before I ever give in
Hate is such a power to live for, so much so I've never known peace
I've never known the love of a mother, at least one that birthed me
How do you live knowing things of that nature,
Holding something of such magnitude that crushed your ever waking thoughts?
You've never known the dark until the dark is in your mind
Years and years of pleading
No one came to rescue me from the haunts of the night
So I became one to fucking save myself
Finally you knocked on the door without an answer on the other side
You barged in to find a burning body
Once upon a time your son laid there
Now just his demons feasting on his corpse remain
Scary to think that you had a hand in this
So you console yourself by denying and denying until you believe the lies
Reach deep down and recall what it was first like
When you learned that your little boy grew up and lives life with his middle finger permanently up?
Remember the note and remember the day
Signed on the bottom "With love from the land of the dead"
That's the day you lost me to the dark for good
And for the rest of your life you will feel my wrath
Your little baby has become a whore to the god-forsaken things
Burning with anger the creed I now live by is this
One day and one day soon
I'LL HAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
No words come out
I'm voicless
I've become my surroundings
Unheard the mouth opens letting the fire out
Dragons imitate but they could never produce this kind of filth
They say sign the dotted line and don't think twice
You have to be good now buddy it's for your own benefit
We know best and you have to hold it in
Self control is the key to winning this fight
But to that I say
FUCK YOU GO KILL YOURSELF
I've got this pent up energy
To kill, to spill the blood of all those who hurt me
You took my youth but gave me a weapon in return
The experience it takes to end every fucking one of you
But there is no relief
Standing over the dead there is no one left to blame
No one left to destroy with my fists
I'll bite the heads off of every single one of you
Spit down your severed necks and wear your skin as a mask
Hiding all the pain and the hurt
I'm betrayed by my own eyes
Rub dirt in them so they'll turn black and you'll never figure out another thought
Analyze this for a start
There is nothing more to do then just waste away
I see who to blame and yet they can't be touched
Yet I can't help feeling like this is all my fault
BUT THE RAGE WON'T LET ME FORGIVE MYSELF
I have to live off of the hate that has been built up
There is no fuel like it NO there is NOTHING like it
Yet the knives don't cut deep enough
The bombs don't blow away those soul fragments
Bullets to the head don't erase those kind of memories
I was fucked and left for dead and I still can't forget
It molded a monster, a man-eater
I've survived on the flesh of my enemies but now there aren't any left
How long can I go on by feeding on myself?
I came out of a shadow and entered into the world of shadows
There is no light there is no hope there is nothing to hide the scars
I've laid before the world naked and bare and they looked on in lust
Never in help, NEVER IN HEALING!
All I ever wanted was to be right
Now those hopes have gone out the window
Rope tied around the neck
The taught pull severs the vital parts from the mechanical
Second chances have run their course
Time to give up and float away
Fuck you if you think I'm gonna kill myself
I'd rather piss on an electrical line if I thought that would help
NO! YOU WON'T TAKE ME, YOU WON'T WIN!
I'll let the devil come get me before I ever give in
Hate is such a power to live for, so much so I've never known peace
I've never known the love of a mother, at least one that birthed me
How do you live knowing things of that nature,
Holding something of such magnitude that crushed your ever waking thoughts?
You've never known the dark until the dark is in your mind
Years and years of pleading
No one came to rescue me from the haunts of the night
So I became one to fucking save myself
Finally you knocked on the door without an answer on the other side
You barged in to find a burning body
Once upon a time your son laid there
Now just his demons feasting on his corpse remain
Scary to think that you had a hand in this
So you console yourself by denying and denying until you believe the lies
Reach deep down and recall what it was first like
When you learned that your little boy grew up and lives life with his middle finger permanently up?
Remember the note and remember the day
Signed on the bottom "With love from the land of the dead"
That's the day you lost me to the dark for good
And for the rest of your life you will feel my wrath
Your little baby has become a whore to the god-forsaken things
Burning with anger the creed I now live by is this
One day and one day soon
I'LL HAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Bad Blood
What is this inside me?
Questions, questions, questions!
I don't know what it means to be alive
Ask the sky to rain and the sun shines
Every word spoken feels blasphemes
Dirty and unclean I've come back to my own vomit
Just a dog is what the undertone implies
Best friend to no man
My worth is not seen in the eyes of others
I make the rules
Don't get it twisted
I make the decisions
I've forgotten how to write and what it means to fly
The characters have died
Buried under mounds for some time now
All it means is that I will never be fit for a king
Use me, use me, but there is nothing worth doing
Make me good at one thing and I'll be god in my own mind
And maybe that is exactly why,
Questions, questions, questions!
I don't know what it means to be alive
Ask the sky to rain and the sun shines
Every word spoken feels blasphemes
Dirty and unclean I've come back to my own vomit
Just a dog is what the undertone implies
Best friend to no man
My worth is not seen in the eyes of others
I make the rules
Don't get it twisted
I make the decisions
I've forgotten how to write and what it means to fly
The characters have died
Buried under mounds for some time now
All it means is that I will never be fit for a king
Use me, use me, but there is nothing worth doing
Make me good at one thing and I'll be god in my own mind
And maybe that is exactly why,
Perhaps this is why the words look better on the other side
I don't know a thing and yet my mind is full
Ask away and out comes the outcome
Situated in the dark I'm still seated in a place I don't like
Like the boiling blood turned cold
The change brought brings on flies in temperature loss
Swarming to the stinking festering mess
A disease takes root at the base of my mind
I might pull through this night and back into the day
By God the car has stopped and the image out the window fades
Pitch black and I'm back to the same old crap
I try to take it in and find the sign
Once I wanted to be something but I don't remember when
No one told me anything so now I'll tell myself
I can do it oh yes I can
But all that's left are dreams that I've left behind
Give it a second and try but there is no try only do
Yet the basket is so full of nothing I can't begin to pick it up
How do you see in the silence a life that is not collapsed under boredom?
There is no reason to be concerned
The strife isn't with you it is with myself
Fighting a battle while you are missing your eyes
That's what it's like when you live life hating yourself
So I'll keep seeking and I'll keep asking
But the winding road of mortal man has just become flat
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